Everyone knows that some men cheat their wives and some wives cheat their husbands. An analysis of the causes can help the betrayed spouse to improve the situation, if he/she has knowingly or unknowingly contributed to the betrayal. In this post we will focus on men who cheat.
Basic Needs: One thing should be kept in mind from the beginning: people appropriate something because they feel a need for it. The need might be real or apparent, it might come from inside or through outside inducement. Whatever the cause, a person gets into something because he feels he needs it. Thus any answer to the question of why do men cheat their wives should look at what men need, or feel they need, and and why they feel that an outsider to their marriage can provide it.
These needs include the need for sex, love, companionship, understanding, esteem, etc. What’s more, he needs these without conditions and stipulations, and also in a non mechanical manner. Every man expects these things from his marriage, and most marriages do provide these things.
Unmet Needs: While sex is a powerful force that binds a man to a woman, sex alone cannot bind a him to one woman for all life. The greatest sexual companionship without the factors mentioned above cannot bind a man to one woman, nor can great understanding on the part of the woman bind a man to her if their sexual life is deficient. Fulfillment in marriage for a man involves a number of factors, though the sexual aspect of marriage seems to dominate them. What seemingly dominates is often only part of the story.
In counseling of unfaithful men research found that many had sexy wives but they never appreciated their husbands. Some of them despised their husbands and even humiliated them. Others had great understanding of the husband’s business and social needs, and accompanied their husbands to professional meetings and parties and conducted themselves flawlessly outside the home. However, when it came to sexual life they hated it. There were others who would place numerous demands – the dishes needed to be done, the kids needed to be asleep, the husband had to come early from the office, or a number of other factors had to be present before they would consent to sex. Even one distraction would be sufficient for them to say no. The husband would never know whether all these conditions would be met on a given day or not.
A hungry person craves for food, and thirsty person craves for water. When there is a want, it needs to be fulfilled. Thus whenever a want is created in a man’s life, and whenever this want continues for unreasonable lengths of time, there is a tendency for him to fall for whoever offers to fulfill this need. For some mean this length of time might be several years, for others it might be mere months. It all depends upon their outlook to life.
What Should Wives Do: Wives should consciously examine their contribution to marriage. They should keep in mind all those factors that men expect from their marriage. They should keep reflecting if they are doing their best to meet all these expectations. While no woman can be perfect, everyone can try to be as good as possible. While some men are unreasonable in their expectation, the majority of men are modest in their what they want and it should not be difficult to rise to the occasion. Wives should also look for direct and indirect clues as to what the verbalized and unverbalized needs of their husbands are and see how best they can meet these needs.
If the husband falls into a relation with another woman, they should try their best to salvage the situation. This starts with loving confrontation, forgiveness, and willingness to repair the relation without teasing the husband for his past unfaithfulness. Some might feel that leaving him would be the best course, but one should never forget that jumping off a seemingly sinking ship need not lead them to the safety that they dream of.
Exceptions: There are exceptional cases where some men would simply be unfaithful, come what may. While the popular fiction would want you to believe that this is common, any family counselor would tell you that such men are rare and exceptions. The majority of men would prefer the joy, comfort and security of a lively monogamous relation. In the rare cases where a man suffers from a pathological infidelity, he needs professional attention and counseling
