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Dear Alpha Female, The holidays offer an opportunity to heal co-parenting relationships 
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Dear Alpha Female, The holidays offer an opportunity to heal co-parenting relationships 

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The holidays often come with conflicting emotions and expectations for children with divorced or separated parents. For some  rotating holidays between parents is an inconvenient reality while others have the painful reality of one parent being totally absent. As mothers, the primary caregiver of children often rests in our lap, giving us the opportunity to curate the relationship between child(ren) and the father. Unfortunately some mothers use the holidays as prime time to exercise that power and withhold the children’s presence from the father’s lives. On the flip side of that coin many fathers cause compounded heartbreak to their children by opting not to be involved or spend time over the holidays. 

For mothers and fathers living separately the holidays offer an opportunity to establish new patterns and traditions for the benefit of the child(ren). Instead of focusing on the past mistakes of your ex, try looking at the holidays through the lens of your child(ren). Few parents are able to see their children’s pain beyond their own but it’s a proven fact that children’s pain shapes their outlook on life. Because their brains aren’t fully developed and their world consists of their parents, children are often scarred beyond repair post divorce or separation. For mothers and fathers raised under the guidance and love of two parents are often unable to relate to their children that are torn between two households. 

Realizing that your children are innocent collateral damage of your choices in a sexual partner is a humbling reality that should encourage parents to prioritize the needs of little ones specifically during emotionally charged seasons like the holidays.

Understanding that you can’t control anyone’s actions but your own, I’d like to challenge mothers this Christmas to attempt to gift their child(ren) with the gift of both parents this Christmas. Make every effort to involve your co-parent in opportunities to celebrate and share love with your child(ren). These opportunities don’t have to be joint celebrations but try to include him/her when planning for the holiday break. 

The ultimate goal should be for children to feel cherished and valued by both parents and their extended families. There is often so much hurt in spaces that love once resided but this holiday your Lenox & Parker family encourages you to do everything within your power to gift your little ones with unconditional love that extends beyond them and includes their creation. It may not be easy but love is always worth it. 

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But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13) 

Happy Holidays! 

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